where would you draw the line? .....

[pheasantplukka]

I have been at work for 9 consectives nights, my job is very physical lugging heavy stuff around, alot of walking etc etc , I am not not a spring chicken anymore [for those that dont know me 45!]
So, I get home from work at 10.35pm and chris my son [20] comes out of his room and asks me to make him an omelette :rolleyes:

I'm like why dont you make it , he says he doesnt know how and he's been fishing all day and didnt take anything outa the freezer......... ok!....... I say so couldnt kerry [his girlfriend who also lives here ] do it and he says that she only just got in from her mates house which was total b*llocks because I noticed she was in long enough to do her washing and wait for it to finish and put it in the tumble dryer ....so to avoid any bad feeling I made him a bloody cheese/mushroom omelete...............If i didnt do it I would of felt bad but at the same time i am knackered and just wanted to sit down for ten minutes......i'm by no means a soft person but i have always done what i could for my kids .....i just feel that maybe him or his g/f could of done it ....where do i draw the line ....i would feel awful if he went to bed feeling hungry he does a really really physical job and has to be up at 5am ....

[pheasantplukka]

btw am up at 6am to take son No. 2 to work, who doesnt live with me but has just started a new job and his transport is not MOT yet ...............I actually would love to just sit here and get p*ssed on some wine for once :p

[mogmog2005]

f he had of gone to bed hungry it would have been his own fault, im sure he could make a sandwich.......???

you do too much!!!

next time say no, its not being hard its teaching him to help himself!!!



learn to say no and relax hun!

[pheasantplukka]

mog I know this but he has such a way of making me feel guilty and i keep telling myself he is fkn 20yrs old now :rolleyes:

[buttons-and-bows]

ERRRRRR I would think at 10.30 YOUR supper should be laid out on the table waiting for YOU !!!!

[pheasantplukka]

ERRRRRR I would think at 10.30 YOUR supper should be laid out on the table waiting for YOU !!!!


do you know what buttons, they hadnt even bothered to close the fkn curtains!!:mad:

tbh I have been sat here stewing since I have posted this thread and realised that the issue isnt actually the omelette, I need them to do something around here ....neither do fk all actually :(

[mogmog2005]

mog I know this but he has such a way of making me feel guilty and i keep telling myself he is fkn 20yrs old now :rolleyes:


When i was 18 my parents worked 40 hour weeks and we were always brought up to help out around the house, if my mumwas on a late (till 11) her dinner would be ready along with a cup of coffee!

I used to feel like my mum nagged me and that helping vac and dust was slave labour................:eek:

It was only when i got a place of my own that i understood why my parents made us help:

Its hard keeping house when you work full time and the mess is not 100% your own fault....

It prepared me for life in my own, i could cook clean and iron.








So DONT feel guilty for saying no, he will thank you one day although he wont understand that now!:D

[pheasantplukka]

lol mog I had to iron, wash up, clean my fathers shoes every single morning before school, weed the garden, feed the ani,als and I hated it - i guess thats why i have never forced my boys to do much but the few times that chris left home [to rent a room in a shared house] life was just so much easier, it sounds really nasty but i'm just bloody worn out ....mind you doesnt help i need a holiday, off to portugal on the 24th

[mogmog2005]

do you know what buttons, they hadnt even bothered to close the fkn curtains!!:mad:

tbh I have been sat here stewing since I have posted this thread and realised that the issue isnt actually the omelette, I need them to do something around here ....neither do fk all actually :(


Have you ever been brave enough to leave then alone in the house for a week while you take a holiday?


bet they dont starve........lol

i would give it a go, they would learn about housework etc.....:D

[mogmog2005]

lol mog I had to iron, wash up, clean my fathers shoes every single morning before school, weed the garden, feed the ani,als and I hated it - i guess thats why i have never forced my boys to do much but the few times that chris left home [to rent a room in a shared house] life was just so much easier, it sounds really nasty but i'm just bloody worn out ....mind you doesnt help i need a holiday, off to portugal on the 24th

i do feel sorry for you, it seems they are playing on your kind nature......

I used to think my mum was evil for making me help, but now with a husband, a 2 yr old a house and my uni course i have found out what work is about...................lol







enjoy portuagal - sounds like you need it :D :D

[pheasantplukka]

mog he is bone idle really and kerry isnt much better, she has lived here 3months and picked up a hoover once lol ...i am very fond of her dont get me wrong...but you kno wthings like fkn skid marks on the bog and toothpaste in the sink take 2 seconds to clean after yourself ...wtf is wrong with this generation :rolleyes:

[mogmog2005]

mog he is bone idle really and kerry isnt much better, she has lived here 3months and picked up a hoover once lol ...i am very fond of her dont get me wrong...but you kno wthings like fkn skid marks on the bog and toothpaste in the sink take 2 seconds to clean after yourself ...wtf is wrong with this generation :rolleyes:



sounds like you need to put your foot down, everyone should do their fair share................its not fair on you :(

[pheasantplukka]

lo i think all teenagers think their parents are evil :p trust me I have had my run ins with both my boys but chris is NOt a teenager anymore, and to top it all he still has another 3 years to finish his thatching masters :eek: so he will be here for a while yet unless we fall out

[pheasantplukka]

i shouldnt moan, i hate it when he's moved out, like a fkn graveyard here pmsl ...just having a bad night i guess :p

[pheasantplukka]

sounds like you need to put your foot down, everyone should do their fair share................its not fair on you :(


gonna draw a fkn rosta up and give them both stars if they behave and do some chores lmao! I really might try that but they will just think I'm taking the p*ss and joking around :rolleyes:

[mogmog2005]

Why not have a subtle word with them both, explain that you work long hours and that they should be tidying up / looking after themselves? I know that he'' probabl feel hard done to for a bit but he'll get over it!


if you handle it now (well when you have calmed down) rather than letting it build up and make your bllod boil tyou are less likely to fall out over it............

[pheasantplukka]

ooooh 6 peeps reading this pointless rant lol 2 .....replies from members ....so maybe the other 4 are young teenagers pmsl

[pheasantplukka]

Why not have a subtle word with them both, explain that you work long hours and that they should be tidying up / looking after themselves? I know that he'' probabl feel hard done to for a bit but he'll get over it!


if you handle it now (well when you have calmed down) rather than letting it build up and make your bllod boil tyou are less likely to fall out over it............


the word in red does not exist in christophers vocabulary database mog :mad:.....:D

[minkyrra]

I have been at work for 9 consectives nights, my job is very physical lugging heavy stuff around, alot of walking etc etc , I am not not a spring chicken anymore [for those that dont know me 45!]
So, I get home from work at 10.35pm and chris my son [20] comes out of his room and asks me to make him an omelette

I'm like why dont you make it , he says he doesnt know how and he's been fishing all day and didnt take anything outa the freezer......... ok!....... I say so couldnt kerry [his girlfriend who also lives here ] do it and he says that she only just got in from her mates house which was total b*llocks because I noticed she was in long enough to do her washing and wait for it to finish and put it in the tumble dryer ....so to avoid any bad feeling I made him a bloody cheese/mushroom omelete...............If i didnt do it I would of felt bad but at the same time i am knackered and just wanted to sit down for ten minutes......i'm by no means a soft person but i have always done what i could for my kids .....i just feel that maybe him or his g/f could of done it ....where do i draw the line ....i would feel awful if he went to bed feeling hungry he does a really really physical job and has to be up at 5am ....


hi kaz

:D

just a quickie before i go off to bed, havent read all the posts so sorry if someone has already suggested this.

next time he asks for one and says he doesnt know how to do it, show him

tell him you will make it, if he helps you

that way, you wont feel mothers guilt and he cant use that excuse again

if he then decides he doesnt want to do it for himself... and hasnt been to work (like today, he spent it fishing - wow that must have been tiring ;) ), while you have been out working and only just got in....

let him go without, if he is really hungry in the morning he can get up and make himself an omelette for breakfast too

:D


you can tell i dont have kids

laughs!

...and im a lazy moo, so wont let my o/h see this thread, might give him rebellious ideas

:p


right im off to bed i think

night night all

take care

[mogmog2005]

I used to think that if i had been born a boy I would have got away without helping!...........lol but i doubt it!!!

[pheasantplukka]

he would just choose to ignore it, even if i go apesh*t he just ignores it and goes fishing ....oh well there are famines and wars and i am moaning about an omelette and skid marks ....sorry :o

[mogmog2005]

the word in red does not exist in christophers vocabulary database mog :mad:.....:D


oh dear ...........lol:rolleyes:

[pheasantplukka]

lol bel you wont believe it but he was moaning there nowt to put in it but i already fried some mushrooms off for him and told him to grate some cheese for it and the lazy baaas had the cheek to say he can never grate cheese right, i was like "LOOK HERE CHRIS, I HAVE TO TURN THE FKN OMELLETE SOON JUST GRATE THE SH*T PLEASE"" :rolleyes::mad:

I mean such a fkn drama for fks sake!!!!!!!!!!! ..........................arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. .wish I had no bloody eggs now in the first place then he would have to be fkn hungry :rolleyes:

[pheasantplukka]

lol I just thought 'wait til elaine reads this tomoz' she probs give me a ear bashing :D

I need to get hold of tracey [rainbow] Re: teenager play and roping a bit of chavtastic-ness to it, I have sooo much material its unbelievable :(...christ i have a sad existence :D

[minkyrra]

aww he can never grate cheese right...

laughs!


tell him that to help him learn, he can grate cheese for everyone whenever they need it and that way he will become an expert and you will be all proud

;)


didnt understand what you meant

need to get tracey aka teenager play and roping a bit of chavtastic-ness to it


it sounds...... bizarre


:confused:

its probably me, needing some sleep


laughs

you edited your post from aka to re..... or im seeing things....


i think im with you now, you mean her writing a play from your wonderful experience of having teenage offspring?

[pheasantplukka]

lol remove the aka and replace with Re:.... ask her bel, she will tell you ....we could even make a million with her writing skills and my experiences .....kev and perry move over >>>

[pheasantplukka]

you got it ....did she pm you lol ?

[pheasantplukka]

rofl seems like we are cross posting .....

[minkyrra]

you got it ....did she pm you lol ?


laughs

no, i just said the words over and over and made a guess

:p

right have to get to bed now

night kazzi

sweetdreams all

[pheasantplukka]

lol @ you ....sweetdreams bel

[dragonmist]

Sheesh Kazzi you are spoiling that boy. Michael is almost 19 now. He does his own breakfast and lunch. I do Dinner in the evening. If he can do a bacon sandwich, cook a burger, or an omelette with his problems, I am darned certain your boy could too. If he says he doesn't know how, get him a cook book. There are plenty aimed at students for cheap, easy, nourishing meals. Michael is dyslexic as you know, as well as being Aspergers, but he gets by. In fact he's quite a good cook. He makes better scones and pastry than mine.
To become a doormat one first has to lie down and be trodden on. Don't do it. You will just end up resenting him.

[pheasantplukka]

yea beryl I know, its not that he cant cook , he can but he mor than not doesnt and his excuse was there was only eggs coz meat was frozen and he doesnt know how to do omelette which is all he could think of to do with the eggs .....I suppose he could of done fried eggs on toast thinking about it now ...he's just bone idle ....btw chris is also extremely dyslexic ....but well done to michael for cooking for himself ...bless him

[pheasantplukka]

thanks for the chat peeps , I'm off for the night, got to be up bright and breezy :rolleyes: xx

[pheasantplukka]

lol.......... I sound and feel like cinderella here :eek:

[pheasantplukka]

cept instead of 2 ugly sisters I have 2 lazy sons ....

[manstomar]

Give im a good kick up the arse:D

failing that, make him something truly disgusting, or best of all, refuse

He is taking the mick and at 20 should really know better



are you really 45?????????

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo way

[ladylauraac]

At the age of just 4 my daughter picks up her own toys, she puts her own dirty clothes in the washing basket. And to me is a big help, whilst teaching her that in life she will always have to do things that she doesn't really want to do, but needs to.

Your kids sound like they are taking the mick. Your kids need to learn how to stand on there own two feet, and look after there selves.
Where would they be if, god forbid, anything should happen to you? You need to make them able to cope without you now.

Good luck.

[IceHouse]

Hang on, he spent all day fishing??

He can bloomin' well eat the fish he caught then!

Let me tell you a little secret about men! I'm not one, I'm a woman, but I've had male best friends and business partners all my life, more boyfriends than Mata Hari too seeing as I never married, and I've watched the little toe-rags carefully..


Every single one of them can cook!


Every one. There isn't one of them who can't. No exceptions.

They go off at nights to secret Manly Cooking Class where we won't poke fun. They start with ketchup sandwhiches and take it from there. Theres not one will starve if theres a bit of pasta or a slice of bread within 10 miles! While its true I've never actually caught them at cooking class, I know they must do it, and I know they must do it in secret.

Think about it. None of them know how to cook at 18. By 25, cooking something is actually their favourite pulling technique!

I reckon he didn't go fishing or he would have some fish. Maybe he went cooking in secret! Its not the food he needs anyway. You cooking for him tells him you still love him, thats all. Thats what the cooking means and that why you feel guilty when you don't do it.

Its in Eric Berne's Games People Play under 'wooden leg game'. As in he can look after himself perfectly well but constantly points to an inability to do so that gets him out of anything he likes, and elicts care-taking behaviour from others.

It might be worth my mentioning how I always deal with the food/men issue.

I never knew I even did it till one day I was sat on the sofa with my boyfriend and he said "I'm hungry". I said "so am I". He looked a bit perplexed. I forgot about it.

Then he starts looking real thoughtful. After 10 minutes he says "Ice, you aren't like other women, are you?"

Welll no. Its nice of you to notice though!

It turns out that for 32 years, every time he said he was hungry, some woman had jumped up from somewhere and got him something to eat! It was so automatic he'd never given it any thought. Only when I failed to give the usual response did he get a vague feeling something wasn't quite right with the world. It took him ten minutes to work out what it was.

Next time His Nibs says hes hungry, glance at him as if he was speaking a lesser known dialect of Inuit, then go off and have a nice soak in the tub, without a word. When you get out again, do remind him in some way how much you love him, but not with food?

:)

Ice

[thesoapycauldron]

Ice, what an excellent post! My ex was the same, he used to sit there while I would cook a meal from scratch (like beef casserole and dumplings or lasagne or something else time-consuming), trying to control the 4 kids, and when it was put on the table eat the lot and wander off, not even bother to put his plate in the kitchen!!

But when he'd cook (and yes, he was good at cooking) he would expect us to brim over with enthusiasm about his food! And we had to sit there until everyone was finished and clear our plates away... Just goes to show what you say about food=love, he obviously wanted to be adored without any effort back... swine... stepson was the same at 15! mind you, they say that apples don't fall far from the tree...

LOL, sorry, going off on a tangent a bit there!!

Anyhoo, back to OP, I think you should drag him into the kitchen next time he wants something to eat and give him a tutorial, that way he can't say 'oh but I don't know how...' If he won't come in, you don't cook. I don't think that's cruel, I think it's called give-and-take.
Best of luck!

The Soap Dragon xxx

[fairywishes]

kazzi , you know what i think hun ( told you often enough :p ) YOU GO WAY BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY FOR THOSE LADS. Especially chris.

My kids are almost 17, 15 & 11 in a couple of days , i had a right go the other day because NO ONE does JACK in this house except me , or dennis , when he is not working.

Low and behold , after a rant they pulled their sleeves up and got at it. ( Only want them to clean their own rooms , so i can see the floor :rolleyes: and help with the dishes on occasion ) ANYWAY, I know they will go back to their old ways once i slacken again and let them away with it, in which case i will have to keep at them this time, cus i dont see why i should do everything.

Your lads are older than my kids and chris and his girlfriend are more than capable of doing their own cooking and cleaning. Is it not enough that you let them live in your house ? If they had a place of their own they would be paying through the teeth for rent and council tax and fuel bills and would not have a nice mother to come in and cook and clean for them.

If i have said it once i have said it a thousand times, ITS KAZZI TIME. Chris can look after himself now. No one says you have to turn him away , just tell him you will NOT be a doormat any more.
We love our kids, does not mean we have to be a slave to them, once they are old enough to do for themselves.

( huggs ) xxx

[dragonmist]

Ice, you are Ace. You've hit the nail right on the head.
I only met one male, my younger brother's best friend, who could not cook at all. His IQ was phenominal, but he could never have survived alone in the real world. His mother had to go into hospital overnight for some tests. She left him some frozen peas in a pan, 2 burgers under the grill, and a small tin of new potatoes. What could go wrong did. He couldn't get the tin opener to work. He turned on the grill - except the cellophane wrapper was still on the burgers to keep flies off them. He put the peas on to cook - but didn't realise you had to put water in the pan first. My brother arrived to find the grill was on fire, and the saucepan was full of little black ball bearings. My brother binned the lot and treated him to fish and chips. His mother, who was nearly 70, suggested he should find himself a wife. He had never thought about it. After a few disastrous attempts at dating, he bought a girl from the Philipines. They have a little girl now, and his wife waits on him hand and foot and adores him. I can't imagine any UK girl putting up with him for long.
My husband could cook a beautiful roast chicken, as he did on the few occassions that I was too unwell to cook. You had to have bread with it as he didn't do vegetables, or if you were lucky he would pop down the chippy and get chips and mushy peas to go with it.

[fairywishes]

LOL

When i met dennis, he moved out of his ( hen pecker mothers ) bless her :) into mine - he could not cook anything except burnt toast with way too much butter and beans.

He now cooks a fabulous sunday dinner, curry, pasta ( anything he puts his mind too ) whats more he enjoys it too :D

HOWEVER, the mess he creates is enough to drive anyone doo bloody lally. & as such i dont let him cook often.

When he learns to CLEAN up as well as he has learnt to COOK he can own the kitchen ;)

[uktycoon]

OP you must have the patience of a saint!! I would have told him that if he can't make an omlette, he surely can make a sandwich or even beans on toast ...

I had a similar problem where I was doing all the cooking, cleaning etc. for my brother, his girlfriend and my 5 year old. The 5 year old you can understand, but even he was more help than my brother and his OH. So I put my foot down and told them that Tuesdays and Thursdays I will not be cooking - they would be. Sometimes they cook and other times they get take aways - I don't care either way, just so long as I am having a bit of time off :)

I think you should get your son and his bone idle girlfriend to cook at least 3 times a week. Even if all you get is beans on toast, it is a start ...

[oddity667]

This is a constant arguement in this house. My partner has a teenage daughter, who I'm surprised can wipe her own arse! She gets mother to do everything for her, and she hates it when I refuse.
At 15, I told my mum I couldn't be bothered drying up. She said fine, I was thinking why hadn't I tried this before, it was so easy! The next day I asked what was for dinner.
"I can't be bothered" was the reply. It worked!

[funky_fudge_factory]

:eek: Sit em down and have words Kaz, before you wind yourself up and go nuclear, then "talking" won't be an option (it becomes screaming) Done that I don't know how many times myself... it's in the genes - my dad stilll does it now :D

Tempting to smack em round the head a bit as well though ay ? :D

Best of luck

X

[pheasantplukka]

LOL some amusing stories and some sound advice here for me

I have been thinking actually, I may just sell here [again!!! the amount of times I have said that and not done it *sigh*] and move intoa smaller place, that way they will both have to learn that lifes responsibilities involve more than paying me 40.00 each for keep, I know it sounds alot but they get food, bills paid i.e electric etc, use of washing/tumble machine, soap powder etc, use of broadband, place to store mountains of fishing gear etc etc

they would soon see how much real life costs wouldnt they and more to the point that hoovers, dusters and clothes do not pick themselves up and clean

[pheasantplukka]

this morning I got up at 6am took leon to work and when I got back there was not even a drop of milk left to make a cuppa, the shop is literally 2 minutes walk :rolleyes:

[pheasantplukka]

interestingly I have noticed from some of my sons ex girlfriends that it isnt just men that cant/wont cook - i had to teach kerry how to fry an egg once :eek: and she has never ever done it since lol

[uktycoon]

£40 is not a lot at all - it is way way too little!! Can I come stay with you ?? I'll even pay £80 and save myself a fortune in the process ;-)

[pheasantplukka]

£40 is not a lot at all - it is way way too little!! Can I come stay with you ?? I'll even pay £80 and save myself a fortune in the process ;-)

sure! can you cook an omelette? :p

[thesoapycauldron]

£40? I'm on me way over!! And I cook a mean Chilli...

The Soap Dragon xxx

[dragonmist]

Kazzi, I have no idea what the rents are round your way. A bed sitter, small, single occupancy, is almost £100 a week here. My daughter pays £600 a month for her flat, which is a bargain as that includes Council Tax and GCH. She has to pay for her electricity, but the landlord charges a fair price per unit. Less in fact than I pay on a prepayment meter. A mortgage on a 2 bedroom house, where she lives, not in the best end of town, is £1,000 a month.
My Broadband is £17.49 a month, gas and electricity £40 a month each. Then there are the Water Rates, and £140 a month for Council Tax. You want to make a list of outgoings including phone , BB, food, Council Tax, washing powder etc.etc. Add Mortgage/rent. Divide the total per person, and that is what they have to pay each. You aren't the (un)paid help either, so half the houswork is theirs too. Michael loves to go fishing, but no chance before he has finished his jobs around the house. I have given up on his bedroom though. He is not allowed to take food or drinks up there except for water. As long as the room isn't actually dirty, and I can walk from the door to the window without breaking my neck, that has to do. I keep the door shut when I have visitors. :D That is his space, and if he can live with it, that's his problem. The threat of putting the wheelie bin under the window, and shovelling all the junk out usually has the desired effect until next time. He sees no point in dusting as it is all back the next day. I have to admit he is right. That's one of the drawbacks to living in an old cottage.

[thesoapycauldron]

Dragonmist- when my step-son turned 16 and started work, he used to quibble about the £50 a week rent he was charged- I sat down and did the same as you suggested. He moved out a week later into his girlfriends parents place...

A month later he was back, tail between his legs...

Tee-Hee

The Soap Dragon xxxx

[uktycoon]

sure! can you cook an omelette? :p

Absolutely ... and loads of other things too. My mom started teaching me to cook when I was only 4 :) But certainly not at 10:30pm - you'll be lucky to get bread with butter at that time of night ;-)

[Anichka54]

People treat us in a way that we allow ourselves to be treated.

If you've always allowed it, then there won't be any change until you stop allowing it. :)

[IceHouse]

SoapyCauldron... 4 kids?? And an ex???

I swear I'd have murdered them all in their beds long before I cooked them dinner! Did you never play "see who can run to the freezer and find something to microwave first"?

Dragonmist..

Your friend there sounds like me. OK a bit worse perhaps. Does he have ADHD?

> After a few disastrous attempts at dating, he bought a girl from the Philipines.

Often criticized, but everyone gets what they want. I wonder how much wives from the Phillipines cost?

I'm just like a guy. I can cook, during emergencies. If you hang round with guys long enough, you get like that. When I was 23 my boyfriend's best mate took pity on me and taught me how to make pasta with mushrooms and tomatoes and red wine. Then 10 years later someone showed me how to put olives and gherkins onto soft cheese and little round biscuits. If you add to that my great skill at crisp and mayonnaise sandwhiches you can see that I can cook for all kinds of events.

When I was tiny my mother would have me watch the tedious process of 'making a sponge cake' every week. I still can't do it. I think because I only ever got to watch 1000 times, not to do. When I did once get to make a blancmange and did it wrong, I heard about it for the next ten years.

Stuff cookery, I thought. When God invented cafes she knew what she was doing.

OP if you are planning to teach your son to cook, can I suggest you stand over him issuing instructions while he does it? A memory of doing stuff yourself is far more vivid than a memory of verbal instructions. When he has done it tell him thats the best egg sandwhich or whatever you ever saw!

One other thing, the only successful cooking I was taught was from men. I think there is a gender difference in teaching style with cookery.

When I was taught pasta sauce I was taught it from a biochemical/engineering point of view - precisely why the onions should be a certain color, precisely why the mushrooms go in before the tomatoes. That way it stuck better than "do mysterious $h1t with flour, do mysterious $h1t with sugar, ooh look a cake!"

The way I deal with food these days, I give my flatmate money to go shopping for us both while she is out carousing with her mother every afternoon. Her mother really likes shopping. I'd rather poke my eye out with a pointy stick, but she really really likes it, no joke. She was raised in wartime and the shelves full of stuff seem like a miracle to her, like Toys R Us to a kiddie! Her idea of a day out is to get on a coach for two hours with her friends and go to some big shopping center outside of London and shop all day.

So I hand over cash and things appear in the freezer for me to microwave as well as fruit and sandwhiches. The beauty of this system is that everyone gets to spend their time doing things they like.

[dragonmist]

I don't know what Alan's bride cost, but probably about £3,000. They were both lucky. A lot of the women on the agency lists were "ladies of the night". They come over here and disappear with whatever they can take. His wife is very sweet and shy. Her parents wanted her to have a better life so put her name and photo in to an agency. She had a lot of sleazy men inquiring after her. As part of her marriage settlement she asked if she could send money to her parents to help them. His parents are dead now, and he has no other relatives, so he sends about £30 a month. They are all the family he has got now. It's not a lot of money by our standards but it has improved their lives too.
I don't think he has ADHD. Looking at the grandson who lives with me for comparison, I would say Alan is Aspergers. Very intelligent. Sees everything in black and white, and will stick to the job in hand until it is done. He's perfect for the job he does as a Civil Servant working in archives.

[IceHouse]

He sounds interesting. I'm pleased it worked out for him. I would have suggested Aspergers, but there is a huge variation in behaviour. I'm ADHD (no physical hyperactivity) and there are some similarities - like the ability to concentrate completely but only on stuff that interests you, while tedious-looking frozen peas get burned..!