A little Saturday humour

[razamakaz]

The boss of a large company, needing to talk to one of his employees about an urgent computer problem, phoned the employee's home and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,

"Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing increasingly more concerned as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked,

"What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?!?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whisper the child answered, "The search people just landed their hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, and with a muffled giggle, the young voice replied:

"Me"

[chiquita]

lol, good one Kaz, love it!!

[Anichka54]

Although i've read that before, i enjoyed seeing it again, i'm not the type that remembers jokes, so i like to be reminded of good ones like that, here's another oldie that some people may not have heard.

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me madam".

I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.

"I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.

I just bought this hat yesterday!"

[Anichka54]

Here's another, keep 'em coming peeps.

A couple were invited to a s****y family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke Without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and cupping a little feel here and a little kiss there.His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening"
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to my Boss, apparently he had the time of his life."

[Anichka54]

Why Condoms Come In Boxes Of 3, 6, and 12

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,

"What are these, Dad?



To which the man matter-of-factly replies,

"Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."



"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,

"Why are there 3 in this package? "



The dad replies,

"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."



"Cool" says the boy.

He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."

[funky_fudge_factory]

LOL @ all of these !! :D

[buttons-and-bows]

Great stuff. thanks both of ya :)

[jarremachine]

LOL! :D :D :D Good one Raz & Anichka54 :D

[Anichka54]

THIS IS AN ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 -- >CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, " Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"...I just lost it.

"Case dismissed"